Your Body Is Not A Project
Welcome! I am Sydney Carroll, dietitian and owner of Grounded Nutrition. I meet with people who are healing their relationship to food and body. In this process I hear stories about how people experience their bodies. A true honor!
A common thread I have witnessed over the years is that existing in a human body is hard. Many people feel disappointment towards their body. Sadness at their weight or appearance, grief at illness or disability, and stress about their health. All of these feelings make sense, and they can create a great deal of tension in one’s relationship to self. Today I will attempt to articulate a crucial and rarely discussed aspect of being in relationship to the body.
An unspoken belief in our culture when it comes to having a body is this: that your body is a project. An unending project that needs to be edited, managed, perfected, and optimized. A project that is never done, always looming in some corner of the mind. A project that seemingly threatens to bound out of control if not vigilantly monitored. A project that so often leaves people feeling like a complete failure.
Your Body is Not a Project
What I present to you today is the idea that your body is not a project. You are a living creature. An animal like the others. Your body is born, it grows and learns, it experiences sensations of pleasure and pain, it gets hurt and heals, it is born disabled or becomes disabled over time. And eventually, just as the great blue heron, the dolphin, the rabbit, or wolf, it dies.
And just as all the other creatures on Earth, our bodies are incredibly wise and complex. They perform intricate functions day to day to stay alive, and they change over time. You are the same you, but the body you are in now is not the same as when you were 10 years old. Because of the ever changing nature of the body, I think of it as more of a process unfolding rather than a fixed state of being.
Treating the Body like a Project
Denying the ever changing reality of inhabiting a body creates suffering and disconnection. Here are some of the ways I see this play out:
Self Objectification: When the body is treated as a project, it becomes an object to be controlled, tinkered with, manipulated, or pushed to extremes. For many, changing the shape and size of the body is on the body project docket. In the pursuit of shrinking or altering the body, people may forgo meeting their body’s needs for adequate nutrition. Many attempt to coerce the body into submission through restrictive eating, purging, excessive exercise, etc.
How does it hurt the relationship to body? When the body is treated as an object to be controlled, it creates distance between self and body. The body is no longer treated as a respected part of the whole, but rather it becomes an object to be controlled from the brain. This not only separates the self into parts, but it also creates false sense of control.
Leaving the Present Moment: You will never arrive chasing an unreachable destination. It is not possible to be in the present experience of your body as it is now if you are fantasizing about an eventual return to a past form of your body, or an arrival to an imagined future body. The body is a process unfolding and change is the only constant.
How does it hurt the relationship to body? Treating the body as an project takes you away from the actual lived experience of your body in this present moment. Lingering in the past or imagined future takes you away from your self and body as it is authentically existing in this moment.
Playing into Body Hierarchies: Body hierarchies deem some bodies as superior and some as inferior. They are the backbone of all oppressive systems such as racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism and fatphobia. The desire to alter the body may play into body hierarchies.
For many, the desire to lose weight stems at least partially from fatphobia. It is very normal to desire acceptance and belonging in society. The desire to be respected and accepted is human! But when societal belonging and acceptance are based on elevating some and diminishing others based on their body, it raises questions. Who benefits from playing into body hierarchies? Who is harmed? Shouldn’t everyone be respected as they are and not be shunned or harmed based on the body they inhabit?
How does it hurt the relationship to body? Allowing body hierarchies to determine your relationship to your body or your self worth is a recipe for shame and self hatred. Putting thinness on a pedestal upholds body hierarchies. Ultimately, looking outside yourself to determine your internal experience creates separation and distance from the self.
Always Feeling like a Failure: If the body is a project that is never finished, feeling like a failure is inevitable. The path of treating your body like a project has no end. Even if you exists in a privileged body (whiteness, thinness, being able bodied, being cis, etc.) the next project is often to fight against the inevitability of aging. Nobody escapes or wins this fight. The body is a creature that changes, ages and dies. No amount of coercion or wishful thinking change this reality.
How does it hurt the relationship to body? Imagine if you and your body were two people in a relationship. You feel that no matter what they do, the other person is a failure and that they should change. That is a very a tense relationship based on conditional acceptance. In words it sounds like: “If you do ______ for me, or stop doing _______ I will accept you. If you don’t, I find you utterly disappointing.” Treating your body as a perpetual disappointment creates a harsh relationship without much room for self acceptance.
Below I have put together a list of questions to feel into or write on. There is so much exploration to be had within ourselves by simply slowing down to ask with curiosity, and then listening to what emerges. Feel welcome to answer all of the prompts, or let yourself be drawn to the questions that stand out to you.
Inquiries for a Deeper Dive:
How would you describe your relationship to your body?
Do you regard your body as a project- consciously or unconsciously? If yes, what does this project relate to?
What title would you give to the project, or aspects of it? For example: “Project Shrink my Body”, “Project Fit into Old Jeans”, “Project Anti-Aging”, “Project Look Like a Body Builder”, etc.
How does treating your body as a project affect your life?
How do you feel about the ever changing nature of the body? What feelings and thoughts does the reality of body change bring up?
Are there ways in which body hierarchies are upheld in your relationship to your own body? How does this play out?
What are your own body values?
I am grateful for your presence. Here’s to your healing!
If you feel that extra support would be beneficial to you, I invite you to reach out about nutrition therapy. This deep healing work is my passion and purpose, and I feel honored to sit with people who are ready to dive in.
With Heart,
Sydney
Meet the Author
Sydney Carroll is a dietitian based in Seattle, WA. They support people who are healing from eating disorders, disordered eating, and body image shame.
